What is Mantra Meditation?

A mantra is a phrase or word or sound that you repeat aloud or to yourself throughout the duration of the meditation session. It can also be repeated throughout the day as a focused reminder.

Some mantras are simply a single word to describe a specific quality such as peace or patience or love that you’re working to consciously develop in your own life. Others are a few words long and draw attention – almost like an affirmation – to a condition you’d like to evoke in life, such as “I am love.” Spiritual mantras often repeat the name of God in any one of its different forms.

Some mantras focus on particular vibrational frequencies thought to connect to the energies of higher consciousness. Self-help guru Wayne Dyer teaches about Japa meditation, which is the slow repetition of select sounds, such as OM, which create vibrational resonance with the body. In Hinduism, OM is believed to be the first sound of creation and it’s a popular choice with mantra meditators.

I’ve tried this aloud using both OM and AH and I. Loved. It. The vibration rings so deep and true that I did feel a shift in consciousness and an opening of awareness. I also found it easier to focus on the sound repetition rather than to stay attentive to my breath as required in other meditations.

Whatever mantra you use, choose something that inspires you, carries a specific meaning and evokes powerful emotion. And keep it short. You want it to be significant, but not distracting in its complexity. And please people – don’t use the mantra like a wish list. No, “Ohhhmmm, I am a size sixxxxxx.” Although, I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.

With your mantra in mind, sit quietly and comfortably, straight-backed and do some deep belly breathing. Then begin, slowly and deliberately repeating your mantra either in mind or aloud. Continue for the duration of the mediation.  If your mind wanders, notice that and bring it back to the mantra. Repetition is key, so keep going.

When your time is up, let the words of the mantra drift into the air, sit in the silence, take some deep breaths and slowly connect again to the physical world.

If you’re finding it hard to sit quietly with your thoughts in meditation, try using a mantra meditation. Stick with it for at least 30 days. Do not give up. Seriously. Just do it.  With practice, meditation gets a whole lot easier and more interesting. And the mental focus, clarity, and well-being that come from a regular meditation practice are definitely worth working for.

Today, it’s gaining in popularity and press-time because thousands of studies have also shown meditation contributes some powerful health benefits.  People who meditate tend to have lower blood pressure, less stress, decreased pain and higher immune function. One study shows meditation can even ease headaches.

So it’s all good – unless of course you’re one of those people who can’t sit still or doesn’t want to try. For every person turning on to meditation, there are plenty making excuses as to why it doesn’t work for them. Truth is, many people give up on meditation too soon. It takes practice to learn how to focus your mind. You may even need to try some different techniques before you find one that works for you.

There are dozens of meditation styles. Some of the  more interesting forms fall into the category of Moving Meditation.

That’s right;  you don’t have to sit still to meditate.

Moving Meditation

There are several ways to practice moving meditation. Dancing while focusing on the movement of a single body part, or rhythm can be a form of meditation. Yoga and tai chi, are other forms where the focus remains on slow body movements and the breath. Dance meditations and yoga can be powerful when guided by a trained instructor.

Other people meditate by lying down and systematically tensing and relaxing different muscles and body parts, beginning with the ankles and progressing slowly up to the head and face. During this mediation you stay mindful of the  physical sensations within the body as it moves and responds piece by piece.

Another form focuses on rhythmic, controlled movements. It involves sitting in a meditative state and swaying rhythmically or moving your hands or arms in controlled and repetitive way. During the session, your attention stays only on this movement. When your thoughts wander, you bring your attention back to your body. The movement acts like a physical mantra.

Walking Meditation

Walking meditation is also gaining in popularity, but it’s tougher for me to do. Like all meditative styles it requires keen focus and I find myself constantly distracted by the leaves and bugs and cars and litter on the sidewalk along my walking route. Still, I like the challenge and find it heightens my focus on concentration in a big way even when I’m not meditating. This is also a great way to exercise your body while you’re exercising your mind.

To try Walking Meditation, pull on those tennis shoes and get moving. Before setting out, take a few deep breaths and as you exhale center your mind on your body.  Become mindful of the physical sensations within. As you walk, (go at a pace that is comfortable for you) focus your attention first on the soles of your feet hitting the pavement. Notice the tension and pressure in your ankles, feel your knees unhinge and push, notice the sway of your hips. Become mindful of every aspect of walking.

Stay attentive to the process. Or, you can also focus on a single aspect of your movement or experience. For example, be attentive to the sound of your shoes hitting the sidewalk,  over and over again. Or simply pay attention to your breath. Become aware of what’s around you, but attach to nothing.

Each time your mind begins spinning through thoughts about what you plan to cook for dinner or whether you have enough money to buy those shoes at Nordstrom’s, or anything other than the act of walking, catch it and gently redirect your thoughts back to your walking focus point such as the sound of the shoe on the pavement, your breath, or your moving joints. Don’t judge any other thoughts. Just notice them, let them go and return your attention to the walk.

At the end of your walking meditation, stop (duh). But notice yourself stopping, the feel of your feet becoming still, the sweat on your skin. Notice the sensations of your body and stand in that awareness for a moment before taking a deep breath and heading inside all proud of yourself for walking and meditating.

All forms of meditation can have profound mental and physical benefits. Find a form that you like and practice, for at least 30 days before trying a different approach. Most styles feel difficult to do in the beginning (and always)  because we aren’t used to sitting still and getting quiet. That is exactly why we need to mediate more often.

But, if you’re struggling with a sitting meditation style, try one focused on your movement. On Wednesday, I’ll write a bit about a mantra meditation, one of my favorites.

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Romantic, no? It was to me. It showed he’d been paying attention. I was an independent woman used to taking care of my own stuff and hell-bent, for some ridiculous reason, on fixing my own disposal. He supported me. Instead of taking over, he gave me the wrench to fix the disposal and the space to be who I was.

Who I was, of course, was a woman who real quick decided she didn’t want to be crawling under her own sink.

Twelve years later though, I still appreciate the gesture. It’s a good memory that keeps me from searching the RMLS (real estate listings) on the days when I’m certain we should move into the opposite sides of a duplex.

Every relationship, whether it’s with your best girlfriend, your spouse, or partner goes through periods that can inspire crazy-making moments and arguments about dishwasher loading techniques and other monumental issues.

But there are three quick tips that I’ve used countless times to help reconnect with the people I love.

3 Ways to Reconnect in Your Relationship

1.Call up fond thoughts. It’s easy to get caught up in criticism and blame when you’re hurt or angry. Next time you’re headed down that road, stop, take a breath, and focus only on what you like about the person, for three minutes. If irritations keep cropping up, gently pull your thoughts back to the positive. Thinking good thoughts, leads to good feelings. This is a great exercise to do during your commute home.

 2. Reach out and touch. Physical affection fires up your vagus nerve – which runs from the brain to the belly – causing the body to relax.  When the nerve is stimulated, your heart rate slows, breathing becomes easier and the levels of cortisol and other stress hormones cycling through your body drop. Both you and the person you touch can experience these physiological benefits, so everybody ends up feeling better.

3.  Get curious.  When you’re curious it’s tough to be angry or critical. Curiosity turns you on, engages you in life, and helps create meaning. It also inspires intimacy in your relationships. Plus, it’s fun to discover new things about the people you care about.

Next time you’re feeling irritated, frustrated, or bored with the “same old thing” in your relationship, step back, take a breath and challenge yourself to discover three new things about the person you’re communicating with.

A couple of days ago my husband asked me what my Dream Concert would be, if I could see any artist perform at any time. That question initiated a fascinating discussion and we learned things about each other that neither of us had thought to ask before.

Open up to the possibility that there is still much to discover about your family, friends, and partners and have fun in the learning process.

All relationships can be tricky to navigate, but when we’re willing to work on them, we can benefit by the connection in a bunch of ways. After all, it’s the people we are closest to who teach us the most about ourselves.

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or dealing with the dynamics of close friendship, navigating day-to-day interactions can be challenging – especially when you’ve actually got to talk to each other rather than text.

In real life it’s tougher to “unfriend” and impossible to hit delete when you’ve heard enough. But, when you work to maintain good communication, you also get a shot at real intimacy, close connection, and soul-expanding wisdom and fun.

Gay and Katie Hendricks Explain the Hmmm Factor

Relationship guru’s Katie and Gay Hendricks literally wrote the book on better communication in relationships and they’ve tested and tried all of the things they teach in their own 25-year-plus relationship. They are rock stars in the self-improvement field partly because they’re smart and authentic and partly because what they suggest really does work.

In this video they offer one technique that is a difference-maker when it comes stopping the cycle of blame and criticism – in any relationship. It’s simple and effective and will support your relationship long after the candy hearts have turned stale and the pink glow has faded off the Valentine’s decorations.

Wednesday, I’ll share with you three things you can do in less than five minutes a day to improve any relationship.

So, I called my computer guy. Then I started cussing. And blaming. And whining. And obsessing. For about 30 minutes all the personal development techniques I know, all the spiritual practices I use, were forgotten so that I could freak out over the computer breakdown.

I’m not saying this coping strategy is wise or even effective. Cussing at inanimate objects doesn’t show a whole lot of wisdom or grace. But, this kind of impatience is a part of who I am. No matter how much knowledge and self-understanding I have, once in awhile this less-than aspect of my character seeps out and clutters things up.

Emerging flaws

I don’t like these moments where my head (and behavior) seems so disconnected from my heart. The heart is where the peace, tolerance, and calm reside when it’s not being suffocated by the intolerance, irrationality, irritation that is also a part of me and a product of my thought patterns.  It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge these weaknesses, to see my imperfections. But, as much as I am put off by these character flaws, I’m interested in them too. They show me all of who I am.

It’s easy to live authentically with love and peace and confidence when the checks are arriving on time, and my husband helps out by folding the clothes, and my daughter sleeps through the night and makes it to the bus with matching shoes on.

But, what does authenticity look like when the computer blows, or the child throws a fit, or the account is overdrawn?

Courage required

Being authentic is about being real and self-aware enough to know what real looks like – even when it’s ugly and immature, hurt, and messy. Authenticity requires courage too, because when you do see all that is the fabric of your being, you must be willing to explore and accept it.

Not many people are brave enough to do this. This, after all, is the epitome of accountability and we live in a culture that would rather fix, alter, avoid, hide, deny, and blame others for the things that reflect poorly on us.  We make excuses for our flubs and flaws.

This approach – this denial of self – actually sabotages your greatest potential. When you stifle an aspect of yourself –  even one that is less-than ideal –  you become stuck, insecure,  restless, and on some level, afraid of being found out. Instead of working with your talents, you focus on trying to hide your weaknesses.

But, when you stop to acknowledge all that does seep out  of you when a computer breaks or other annoyances show up, then you no longer have to hide. You no longer have to cuss out a computer either. You can see that your weaknesses, mistakes, failures, and imperfections are there to serve you.  You can learn from them, grow from them,  and move toward something better.  With this awareness you can then decide to do it differently next time technology fails or the cat walks across the carpet with muddy paws.

According to a study out of Michigan State University,  people who believed that they could learn from their mistakes actually did better after blowing it, said Jason Moser, one of the researchers.

That can work for us too. The less-than aspects of ourselves aren’t something we necessarily have to fix. When we know and accept what they are, when we know and accept what we are, we can consciously choose to how to live with all that. We can be accountable for our imperfections, change them if we desire, or embrace them. No matter, we’ll be stepping into our authenticity instead of hiding from who we are.

This post originally appeared on Psychology Today.

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I didn’t want them to know that my body was broken. I didn’t want them to see that I sometimes felt inadequate because of it.

Of course this didn’t work well. It never feels good to suppress or hide aspects of ourselves. To pretend to be someone you’re not.

I am so over that. Now, I blab about everything. I’m direct. Upfront. More honest and authentic.

This feels better. It’s like peeling away that tight outer shell to reveal the essence inside.

What is authenticity?

Authenticity is more than what we do. It also emerges from how we think about what we do – our self-awareness. This means we’ve got to get clear on our strengths and weaknesses, honest when we make a mistake. Authenticity requires you to know yourself and then live openly with all that, say the bigwigs Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman, psychologists who study aspects of authenticity.

If you want to get fancy-schmanzy about it Kernis and Goldman define authenticity this way: “the unimpeded operation of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise.”

Translated by moi to mean: when you’re authentic you’re operating from who you are.

Benefits

It’s no surprise that most of us want to live from this place of self-knowing. It takes a lot of the pressure off. If we’re being real and honest without ourselves first, then we don’t have to worry about being found out or discovered to be a fraud. We don’t have to hide or tweak or manipulate things to support some ideal image that we feel we need to live up to. Instead we can put our energies into living and playing and learning and growing.

It’s no wonder, then, that authentic people report greater vitality, self-esteem, resilience, and well-being.  When you are living from your truth you’re also bound for happier relationships too. This makes sense. Don’t you enjoy people who have fewer pretensions? Authentic people are also more likely to complete their goals, according to research.

Challenges

When you’re trying to be something you’re not, or you’re not yet sure who you are, you will feel confused, edgy, overwhelmed. But, authenticity isn’t a panacea, either.

To live authentically, you’ve got to take a clear look at who you are, including all that  psychic garbage that you keep hidden in the closets when the guests arrive. Not only do you have to see your imperfections, you’ve got to let them out, accept them, and sometimes even use them. Though, this can be hard to do at first, (I’ll tell you more about how to do it in Wednesday’s post), it’s actually easier than living a lie. In fact, it’s downright liberating to live truly as yourself.

Three ways to live a more authentic life

Here’s how to do it:

Create. Come up with a new solution, develop an innovative product or idea, paint a picture or cook a new recipe, coordinate a social outing with friends. Make something from nothing. This is fun, and essential to our character. We were all born creators – so broaden your definition of creativity and get going. Self-expression in any and all ways is a great way to get to know yourself.

Quiet down. To be authentic you’ve got to know what that looks like for you and it’s hard to get to know yourself during the noise of daily life. Find some time each day – even if it’s five minutes – for solitude. Mindfulness, paying attention to your body, environment, or breath, can help you see your thoughts in a detached way. That leads to insight and awareness. Mindfulness meditation or meditation in other forms is another powerful way to discover who you are.

Get going. Engage in life, don’t just ride the bench. Time spent watching and listening to others is an important way to learn about your own unique qualities. But, you also need to be involved in the world. Help others, try new things, seek out awe and inspiration. Your self-awareness will expand in the context of community.

Authenticity also requires you to live well with your imperfections. We cannot be authentic, if we’re always working to hide an aspect of who we are. In Wednesday’s post, I’ll write about how you can use your flaws to launch a more authentic life.

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Start by changing how you think about the surprises – both good and bad – that come up in life. Here are five ways to do it.

1. Imagine the good, rather than the bad. If you’re going to create thoughts about the future, (and you know you are) pick the ones that feel best instead of dwelling on the negative. For example, you could go from poor to rich, instead of rich to poor. The big change you’re worrying about could mean a shift from illness to wellness. If change is inevitable – and we know that it is — why not imagine the best outcomes, instead of the worst?

2. Know that you are enough to deal with it. Start with the premise that you can handle whatever comes, even if you have to fake it. We all face circumstances that we doubt we can handle – then we do. When the pressure is on, you will find the people, resources, information, help, that you need to cope.You. Will. People are resilient. It’s built in. Part of our evolutionary nature. Start living from this perspective even if you have to pretend for awhile. I call this the faith factor. Find faith in yourself, faith in a higher power, faith that the sun will come up in the a.m., faith that you will wake up to go again, faith that everything happens for a reason. I don’t care what your faith is rooted in, but believing in something bigger – even if it seems illogical — will give you the courage to move forward.

3. Help somebody else. When we are experiencing a ton of changes or feeling uncertain about the future we make it all about us. We become obsessive. Ruminating on what-if thoughts rooted in all that could go wrong. Get over yourself and reach out to someone else. It’s tough to worry about your own troubles when you’re helping someone else. Go sweep the neighbor’s porch. Serve meals to the homeless. Volunteer at the school. Deliver meals on wheels. Get up. Get out. Get going. You’ll be surprised how your own fears drop away when you are engaged in making a difference in the world.

4. Become present to what is. It’s impossible to be freaking out about the future when you are present in the now. When you are feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of change and uncertainty, find a quiet place and sit still for at least five minutes. Notice your breath. Feel the tension in your body. Hear your heart beat. Anxiety is caused by our thoughts. When your thoughts are in the now – on what is happening right now – rather than some story about it, you’ll feel better. The easiest way to get there is to notice your body and how it’s feeling. Every time your mind strays into unhelpful thoughts, gently pull it back to the physical sensations of the moment.

5. Be grateful for this moment. We get so caught up in worrying about things that haven’t happened yet – and probably aren’t going to happen ever – that we miss out on what already is. When you are fretting about what might be, you are missing an opportunity to be grateful for all that you have. Stop right now and for two minutes, express all that you’re grateful for: “I am grateful for __________.”

Whew, now, doesn’t that feel better? Gratitude has powerful health benefits – including higher immune function, lower blood pressure, and greater well-being – and it helps shift the mind from obsessive rumination into a place of abundance.

These in-the-moment strategies can make the uncertainties of life a lot easier to deal with, in fact you might even have a little more fun with the surprises that show up.

When you can see change as a catalyst for opportunity it becomes interesting and inspiring rather than frightening and frustrating.

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Intellectually we know uncertainty is the only thing we can truly count on, yet we don’t handle it very well. We operate under the presumption that we control our lives and when anything happens that we didn’t expect we believe something is wrong. That the Universe is messing with us. We stew about screwed up schedules, and huff about missed appointments and worry about unexpected lab results and the money we don’t yet have. We feel mad, or unlucky.

Not only do we try to manipulate future outcomes, we assume that the changes and uncertainties that are bound to come, are going to be bad. Change doesn’t imply something negative is bound to happen, just something different.

Heck, you might fall on the sidewalk and break your leg, or you might fall and while getting up find 20 bucks on the street. You might lose your job, only to get hired by your dream company a week later. Uncertainty doesn’t always yield trouble.

Still, we cling to what we know. We attach (as Buddha would say) to where we are now. And we set ourselves up for suffering because when we hold on so dang tight, we become constricted and fearful. We worry about losing what we have, instead of enjoying what we have.

And we will lose it. Our lives are in constant motion, expanding and constricting and all that we know will fade and change. The way it was will end in the way it is. What you know will disappear. It’s nature’s way. Impermanent, ever-changing.

What if you could embrace the uncertainty instead of worrying about it? What if you chose to sit in gratitude with the present moment and in faith that the future will hold just what it must to help you grow? What if you believed that you are enough for whatever comes your way?

You can. Start now. Instead of imagining all that could go wrong, start by imagining all that could go right.

On Wednesday, I’ll offer some specific tips that can help you thrive during change and uncertainty. You don’t have to be caught up in a cycle of worry, instead you can be excited by opportunity.

People were more detail oriented when working under an eight foot ceiling and more abstract when the ceiling was raised to 10 feet. You want focus? Bring down the ceiling. Innovation? Raise it up.

It’s interesting to note the impact our physical environment has over how we operate in our lives. Not surprising though. Most of us have a space that just feels good, a place where we feel connected to our essence and better just for having been there. Mine is standing alongside the ocean. In my home, my bedroom is a soothing spot, my office inspires me to create.

But since cubicles can’t accommodate salt water and most of us do not have an adaptable roof to leverage, it’s important to note there are plenty of things you can do easily to feel better in the space you’re in. Here are some things you can do:

Bring in a potted plant. Any connection to nature eases stress and having some tangential living object around helps hone focus on the tasks at hand.

Watch the sharp edges. If you do bring in a plant look for one with round leaves. Not kidding. Sharp –edges along counters, desk tops, tables, or even plants leave us literally feeling edgy. Rounded shapes are more comforting and calming.

Check out your color combinations. People are very sensitive to colors so if you want to invoke a particular mood, pay attention to the paint. Red raise blood pressure and heart rate and can ignite excitement and passion, but crimson just makes people irritable — probably because of the heavy-handed teachers we had that were armed with red Bic pens. Green is restful, relaxing, soothing. Periwinkle and other bright blues are feel-good colors that lower respiration and blood pressure and can ease stress. Watch out for the icy pastel blues though, they invoke cold feelings. Yellow can makes us feel excited and sunshiny, but might cause you to flip out a little more often. ‘Spose you could always blame your bad temper on the wall colors. Or you could always go with the multi-colored polka dots and just see what happens.

Let in the natural light. Build your workspace around the windows and open the blinds to let in the light. Natural light is a natural mood-booster and amps up our creativity. Also, keep the clutter, bookshelves and empty pop cans away from the window to create a sense of openness. If you can’t finds a window seat, take regular breaks and go stand by one or head outside for a few minutes a day.

The external environment does impact our internal space find creative ways to care for both.

Environmental psychologist — one of those bigwigs who study how people live in their spaces — Sally Augustin says: “we are better in spaces with moderate visual complexity.”

There are clear links between our physical environment and our well-being and productivity. So, if you feel stressed out surrounded by waist high piles of laundry, now you know why.

The idea that external space affects our internal landscape is nothing new. The Ancient Greeks often incorporated gardens and fountains into their temples and gathering spaces as a way of building harmony among people. Their structures also had good acoustics and places for music so that they could rock out in an effort to foster feelings of peace and calm among those who ventured in.

In the last 10 years, through an emerging field called Neuro-Architecture, there’s been a new, unified effort between scientists and architects alike to understand the connection between brain function and structural design and then develop structures, as in hospitals and offices, that can improve health, productivity, and cognition.

Science has proven that people feel less stressed and healthier when they are closer to nature, surrounded by pleasant, natural sounds, and plenty of natural light, says Eve Edelstein, an architect and neurophysicist who is a Bigwig researcher and member of the Academy of Neuroscience for Architecture. Through functional magnetic resonance imaging scientists have seen the brain actually respond and activate (or slow down) in response to its environment. A change of scenery causes changes in the brain.

For centuries the ancient art of Feng Shui has also explored different ways to orient and decorate a room in order to promote positive energy flow. Good energy flowing naturally through a home or office leaves people feeling better, healthier, more productive and more connected to the higher energies, according to Feng Shui principles.

But, if you’ve ever worked in a cubicle without a window, you already know that. Without a view to the outside world we begin to feel limited, less creative, constricted, slightly insane (maybe that’s just me).

So if you are feeling stifled and stuck, take a look at the space you occupy. Simply tidying your desk, shifting a little furniture, getting your husband to fold the clothes, or adding in color or a potted plant might make you feel better.

Wednesday I’ll share some very specific things you can do to make both feel better. Here’s a hint: stay away from red.

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