Four ways to give up control and find greater peace

I’m bossy. Have been since I was a kid. I like to direct things. I keep a clean house, tight schedule, and clear objectives. But, this isn’t necessarily something to brag about. Too often, when we are moving with a mission in mind, we move out of the moment and begin to micro-manage people and things tweaking the details to control outcomes. Not smart. In fact, it’s not even possible. To think that we can control things, means we are rooted in an illusion. Instead of seeing life as it actually is, we get caught up in how it ought to be.

In reality – or at least this experience we call reality – is always more expansive and beautiful and interesting than anything I could come up with on my own.

Usually, I realize I’m caught up in this need to control when I’m feeling a bit ungrounded. When I feel the weight of the world, and think that I have got to “do everything myself.” At this point, when I feel as though I have to cover everything to keep the Earth from spinning out of orbit, I’m am separate from my core self and this is a super stressful way to live.

I want to live from my core because this is the place where love and compassion and grace and humor and possibility reside. This is the spiritual hut of my being and it just feels better. So when I catch myself feeling stressed and whiny and overwhelmed, I know I need to stop, get quiet and get back to my center.

Here are four  ways to give up control and go with the flow:

1. Get quiet. You know from reading this site that I’m a big fan of quiet. But, finding quiet moments is essential when you are getting caught up in the external noise and chaos of our hectic lives. If you are feeling the need to be in control, or the manage everything to make it all okay, that’s a noisy place to be and the only way to find a way out is to stop, get quiet and breathe deep. From a moment of quiet, peace can spring and you’ll be more apt to let life come to you.

2. Get grounded. Physically stand up, put your feet shoulder length apart and imagine a rod coming up through the center of the earth and connecting your body to the planet and all that is. You are rooted in this Universe. You are a part of all that it is. You are not going to fly off into space, you are not going to wither and fall apart. You not separate. You are all. When you are grounded in your body and connected physically to all that is, you no longer need to manage things – you just know you can handle whatever comes. Another way to get grounded is to go dig in the dirt, or walk barefoot in the grass.

3. Get awesome. Reconnect to the love and the beauty and the awesome within you and outside of you. When we are compelled to control we are so busy trying to figure things out that we forget about the perfection of the mountains, or the strength of the oceans or the miracle of our hearts beating without us needing to put in a work order to get them moving. When we get the awesome back in our lives, we are reminded how well things work – even when we don’t do anything at all. This frees us up. From this place we can let the rest of it go and simply go with the flow.

4. Get away from outcomes. Now, contrary how all this sounds, I’m not suggesting you give up, stop working toward your goals, and lay on the couch until the batteries on the remote run out. I’m simply suggesting that when we stop trying to control outcomes, we are actually in a better position to actively live and engage in life. This is when things get good. Do what you do, but stop clinging to this notion that there is only one right result. Immerse yourself in the process, without worry for how it will turn out and be open to whatever comes. This is expansive and exciting. To live with wonder and a curiosity for life is both fascinating and fun.

Don’t worry if any of these things feels unfamiliar or even a bit uncomfortable. Many of us – OK me — are simply out of practice. But, I’m telling you from experience now, when you can reconnect to the awesome, get grounded and quiet and move closer to your essence, good things happen even without you pulling the puppet strings and that is a sure route to peace.



Photo by: Stock.xchng

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  1. Very good advice. I’m going to add a link back to this post on my own post for my blog to share because a lot of people don’t really know spirituality is about releasing control & not gaining control or enhancing control.

    Recently I cam across two spiritual sites that were obviously about control, one was direct the other indirectly. The site that was more directly about control some of the people on this site were quite course & full of destructive criticism.

    The people on the site that was’t so noticeably about control were some what more placid however were obviously still all about control, this is why I have obviously come across your post.’