Learning to love yourself is a necessity not an indulgence

I’m not a rainbow and hearts kinda girl – except for when I was about eight and dotted every ‘ i ‘ with a mini heart. I’m not frilly or lovey dovey. And while I feel deeply and love deeply I’ve never spent a ton of time thinking about what love is and how it shows up. I just knew that it did.

This year, I want to be more conscious to the Love in my life and that ties n just fine with my 2012 theme of Love. I’m not looking at this as some Woodstock-revert-to-the-60s –free-love thing. I’m thinking more about what it means to love myself and others, how it shows up as a practical action item in daily life – and what a difference it can make in every part of life.

Start with Self

We are taught really early on (probably even in utero when our mothers continue to do for others even while they need to have their swollen feet up resting) that love of self, is well, selfish. So we don’t develop it and we don’t practice it much. Instead, we take care of others and  worry about what we need to do to get them to love us. Ironic, since we don’t often love ourselves.

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to do anything at all to be worthy of love. And the best way to bring more love into your life is to start by loving yourself.

You can be just as you are in all the mess and magnificence and still be worthy of great love. You begin loving yourself by embracing the love that comes your way, instead of shrugging it off. You say “thank you” when someone gives you a compliment and feel the love, you hug tightly when someone hugs you. You smile at your beautiful self in the mirror.

You forgive yourself for your screw ups and the bad hair days and all the times you ate the Ding Dongs instead of going to gym. You let yourself be, just as you are without nitpicking and nagging.

Then, your surround yourself by the things you love – fresh flowers, and the smell of lavender and inspiring books and beautiful music.

You spend time each day, doing at least a little bit of the work you love. Cooking for your family or volunteering at the animal shelter or helping out on a special work project or writing that novel you’ve hidden away. This is love too. You are loving yourself by nourishing your soul.

You love too, by letting go. Release it. Surrender to the thing that’s keeping you up in the middle of the night or the challenge you can’t figure out. And, in the letting go know you are giving a gift to yourself. You are saying: “Faith, I’m making room for you now and I know I am enough to handle whatever comes next.” And then you take a deep breath. And go to sleep.

Love of self also means you take care of your body, brain and spirit. You exercise and nourish your body and soul with good food, inspiring messages, creative ideas. You sleep when you need to. You meditate, you kindly speak your mind.

Sure, all this takes time away from other things. If you are meditating a half-hour a day, that’s time you’re not helping someone else –at least not directly. But, when you love yourself first — it’s cliché I know but true – that you do have more to give to others.

Giving to yourself is not an indulgence. It’s a necessity. When you love yourself, when you treat yourself with patience and kindness, then love grows and becomes a dynamic living thing that infuses all of life.

Be kind to yourself today. It makes  a difference.