Changing Course Correction With Spiritual Rehab

You don’t have to escape to an island to make big life changes, writes  psychotherapist  and guest author Julie Rudiger in today’s post. But, it does take a spiritual realignment. Find out how to do it

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We’ve all heard the term “Rehab.”  Charlie Sheen is back in rehab; Aunt Ruth broke her hip, she’s in rehab.

But what about Spiritual Rehab? What is it?

Spiritual Rehab is the journey we take when we need to make a major course correction in our life. The term rehabilitation is defined as the process of restoring, reconditioning or reconstructing. When we are ready for SR, it is usually because some profound aspect of our life feels out of alignment. We feel as though we’ve lost our way, and our life is lacking direction, purpose and/or meaning.

So what does this look like in our lives? How do we know when it’s time for a spiritual realignment?

As a psychotherapist, many of my clients come into therapy to solve a particular problem or address a particular issue. Therapy can and is often a short term exploration of the immediate and consequential.

Spiritual Rehab is much more involved. It is often preceded by a profound feeling of defeat in some aspect of ourselves or our lives. We realize then, that it is time for a radical change.

• Joe, 45, came to me at a breaking point. He had been in love with an active alcoholic for 10 years, he hated his job, and his weight and health were out of control. He was depressed, anxious and had trouble sleeping. He was a good candidate for SR. It wasn’t a matter of making a few changes. He needed to look at his overall approach to life and the choices he was making.

• Jane, a divorced mother of two, came in after being mildly depressed for two years. Her sons were going off to college; her job was secure, but over time did not provide her with the challenges she used to enjoy. She lost touch with close friends, found herself watching lots of TV, and drinking wine every night to dull the slow ache of her seemingly pointless life. She was also candidate for SR.

Entering into Spiritual Rehab

Few of us have the time or money to escape to a remote island to “find ourselves.” We have busy lives. But SR doesn’t have to fill all of your time. It does, however, require you to start noticing the life you’re living.

The first step of Spiritual Rehab is awareness. Start paying attention to your feelings and thoughts and choices. This can be uncomfortable, or deeply painful. Some pain is more subtle, showing up in the form of boredom or a lack of vitality. But either way, we’ll do anything to dull the pain.

Author and psychotherapist Terry Real describes the behaviors we use to avoid pain as “misery stabilizers.” This means that we adopt behaviors – often little habits that don’t appear to be problematic like Jane’s two glasses of wine a night– as a way to manage the misery. While Jane’s drinking would not define her as an alcoholic, those two glasses do keep her planted in front of the TV, dulling her pain, and consequently dulling her motivation to change her life.

Misery Stabilizers — which can include overeating, smoking pot or tobacco, moderate drinking, over-spending, over-involvement in the lives of our children and friends, watching too much TV — often seem easier to live with than the pain. But, they never provide real solutions to our problems. Instead, they keep us stuck.

When we allow ourselves to experience pain, it can become our greatest teacher and provide the fuel and motivation needed to move us into a place of action and change.

The second step in Spiritual Rehab then, is to identify your misery stabilizers, and stop the behavior.

When you can be with your pain even for just a few days without trying to dull or deny the discomfort, you’ll quickly discover what’s behind it. Then, you are ready to continue into the next phase of Spiritual Rehab.

On Wednesday, I’ll tell you how to ask big questions to prompt big changes.

In the meantime, following are some books that might be helpful as you embark on your own Spiritual Rehab process.

Take Time For Your Life, by Cheryl Richardson

The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris

Five Wishes, Gay Hendricks

Breaking Free of Soft Addictions and The One Decision , by Judith Wright

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

If the Buddha Got Stuck by Charlotte Kasl

Julie Rudiger, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in the Denver area. She specializes in couples/relationship issues, and adult mental health.

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