We want to make changes. Live our potential. Be happy and progressive. Contributors. We want to make a difference and we really don’t want to be crazy or stressed all the time. Since we’re not stupid people, (really we’re not) and we know just what steps to take to realize our ultimate goals, why aren’t we there yet?
Probably because of some of the limiting beliefs hanging around in our subconscious.
There are skajillions of clearing devices and techniques for ferreting out those droning voices – I’ve given you some info on EFT and we’ll cover some others as the weeks go on – but for today, let’s keep it simple.
1. Identify the areas that aren’t working as well as you would like.
2. Pinpoint the emotion that comes up around that. If you don’t have as much money as you’d like how do you feel, ashamed, embarrassed, angry? If the relationship isn’t working as well as you like – what feelings do you have around that embarrassment, frustration, disappointment? What emotion is circulating around those areas that you deem less-than-successful in your life.
3. Examine the beliefs that cause those emotions. Maybe your belief was that marriage is always easy and loving and kind and blissful. Maybe you believed your spouse was responsible for your happiness. Or you had a belief that you were successful only when you earned $500,000 and had a house in the hills.
Now that you’ve identified or gotten closer to some of your limiting beliefs it’s time to question them, test them to find out if they are true. One approach I really like (and it’s easy peasy) is taught through The Work, by Byron Katie.
She suggests that you to confront your beliefs against a series of questions. The first one is this:
Is it true?
Is it true that your husband is responsible for your happiness? Is it true that you aren’t successful if you aren’t making $500,000 a year? Is it true that you’re a bad person if you quit the relationship, job, people pleasing?
Can you absolutely know that for sure?
If you discover that you can’t absolutely know for sure that your belief is true, then it probably would serve you to restructure the belief that is causing pain and pick one that works in your favor. Pick one that inspires you, makes you feel good or at least doesn’t make you feel bad. Instead of continuing with the belief that your husband is responsible for your happiness, perhaps you’d rather empower yourself with the belief that you’re responsible for your happiness. Maybe you want to go with the belief that you are a successful person, because you live with integrity and love. Perhaps you can believe your life is abundant because of what you already have, instead of pinning a dollar amount on the life you’re leading.
Remember a belief is only a tightly held thought. Thoughts are not real – they are the work of the mind. I know this for sure because, I did not DIE (even though I thought I would) when I didn’t get the new Guess jeans in eighth grade.
But, our beliefs do shape our reality. They become bigger, and scarier, and more powerful, because we often take actions in support of our beliefs. You can see this in the stories of juvenile offenders — good kids who believe they are bad people because they are repeatedly told they were bad by misguided adults — soon, started doing bad, even violent things.
See how this works? Say, you grew up with the belief that you weren’t good enough. Now, when you don’t get the job, or the guy, or an invite to the big party you get stuck in that old belief and think, “yep, just not good enough.” And then you begin acting that out, creating a “not good enough” reality.
Maybe you feel stuck. Become whiny or needy or angry and gossipy about those girls who did get invited. Or perhaps you withdraw, refuse to try new things, stop applying for jobs, shut out new people. And your limiting belief becomes your limited reality.
Yet, you can change your mind right now and get away from those boxed-in beliefs, by uncovering the limiting thoughts and replacing them with beliefs that work better. Go with the ones that inspire and empower and crack your life wide open with possibility.
What limiting beliefs have you been hanging on too? Can you let it go or change it to serve your highest good?
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