Dialogue, Education Can End Violence, says Dalai Lama

By on May 20, 2013

Dalai_Lama_4tifA couple of weeks ago I got to see His Holiness the Dalai Lama speak at a local college.

He wore his traditional maroon and gold robes, along with a bright purple visor from the college to shield his eyes from the harsh stage lighting. He was funny, mostly because he laughs at himself. He was humble, smart — quoted neuro-scientists and ecologists — and referred to relevant studies. For a time he even had a tutor in quantum physics, though he claimed he didn’t learn much.

He radiates warmth and kindness.  I’ve heard people say that he changes the energy in the room with his presence, and he does. He is infused with positive energy and you can feel it even when you are sitting 20 rows up. When you consider what he puts into his life – the practice of mediation, the act of compassion and tolerance; when you realize how long he has studied these habits and rituals – since he was around two years old — you understand that he exudes love and compassion and tolerance because that’s what he is. It’s not an attitude. It’s what it within him, so of course that is what comes out. Even when minor mishaps showed up – he was interrupted, he fell off topic, even got tired – compassion, tolerance and humor is all that came out.  Not impatience. Not frustration.

His Holiness is not a big presence in any physical way. He is small, thin, a bit frail seeming when he walks. He speaks low and quiet like we’re having a conversation. He is not a chest-thumper. But there he was this little man amid thousands of people, and when he spoke there was silence. Quiet reverence. Awe. Everyone was riveted and respectful. He was firm and clear and loving. And, he was heard.

Education and Dialogue Key to Ending Violence

The Dalai Lama said that he believes the tide of violence and hostility is shifting in the world and has been since the Vietnam War. He is hopeful and optimistic (interesting since he’s witnessed so much violence firsthand and was driven from his country at age 24 when China invaded)  that there will be world peace. He said that if we commit to “modern, secular ethics” not ethics based on religious roles or personal status, but education and dialogue, that we could end world violence and make this the Century of Peace.

He was consistent with the Buddhist teaching of oneness. He reiterated that we are all sentient beings connected and reliant on each other for survival. We are not separate or different no matter where we live or what we know. He said if we commit to educating ourselves from preschool on,  about the practice of affection, compassion, and dialogue, tolerance and forgiveness,  that violence would end globally, except for a “few hundred mischievous people.”  He said there will always be those troublemakers (my word) but out of seven billion people he could live with a couple hundred of the others.

“If we nurture the basic human needs through education [we will] develop a generation who has a more compassionate strive, said His Holiness. He called for a practice of “secular ethics,” a lifestyle built around acting out of concern for one another. A lifestyle centered on looking out for the well-being of others.

He advocated personal responsibility and education instead of prayer. He said that strength of emotion and mind rather than strength of body and artillery will help end the violence.

“A peaceful world comes from inner peace,” said His Holiness the Dalai Lama. “It is an individual initiative.”

I, like everyone else I know who has heard him speak, was touched by his energy, joy, and optimism. I left feeling hopeful and I think that’s part of his charisma. He reminds us who we are at our core: good, loving, creative people. He reminds us who we can be if we act from this place.

Sometimes we stray from it, of course. We start thinking that we are on our own. We take things personally, fight for what we need – even if it means leaving others without. We get a little judgy, and self-righteous, angry and intolerant. We become impatient.  But that isn’t ever who we are.  Not really. We have the same qualities the Dalai Lama radiates: compassion, love, joy. We simply need to practice those things so that they become essential in our lives once again. We need to fill up on those things, so that is all that comes out.

To develop then, the kind of secular education His Holiness talked about, we must go to that goodness within. We must enter into dialogue before we enter into war– to develop the habits and practices that will center us in compassion and gratitude and tolerance.

Inspired by the Dalai Lama, I begin my practices again with renewed commitment and vigor. On Wednesday, I’ll offer up three of my favorites so that you can begin your practice again too.  Just remember, you are already a compassionate and spiritual being, all you have to do in reconnect to that inner source, rather than something external.

 

Image supplied by Kechara

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Quick Ways to Reduce Stress in the Moment

By on May 15, 2013

Smiley faceStress is our favorite antagonist.

We like to blame it for cancer and chronic illness. We complain that it tears apart our marriages and our friendships, undermines our productivity, and quite literally keeps us awake at night. We stress about how much stress we are under.

But, when we get clear on all this, we recognize that stress isn’t the culprit, it’s how we manage our stress (or not), that causes the big problems in our lives.

Plenty of research, like the study from researcher Jeremy Jamieson mentioned in Monday’s post, indicates that some, positively managed stress is actually good for us. It motivates us, keeps us moving, growing, learning. It helps us adapt to changing circumstances.

In other words the blend of excitement/anxiety you feel when you start a new job = good thing, or eustress. Remember this from psychology 201? The blend of foreboding, overwhelm, insecurity, anxiety that hijacks every waking thought creating stories of failure, homelessness, destitution when you sit down to pay the bills = bad thing or distress.

The challenge is to manage our stress so that we can have more eustress without the icky, threatening distress.

Here are three ways to do it:

Get clear. So often our stress is sourced from the fictional story we create in our minds about a situation. A cancer diagnosis, when installed in our brains, becomes super stressful because we project all the trouble the might occur in the future. Buying a house, which can be a positive form of stress can rocket out into negative distress if we create a story about how we can’t afford the house, or how the new neighbors are probably trolls who play rock music at 2 a.m.  Stop the story. Instead, get clear on what is happening right now and you’ll minimize the stress about what might be.

Eat comfort foods. Note: I did not say eat a gallon of ice cream or a giant bag of M&M’s but if you are stressed and craving something sweet or carb-loaded indulge in a small amount. During stressful times our serotonin levels can drop – that’s the natural chemical our bodies use to create feelings of calm and comfort. So, next time you’re wigging out enjoy a square of chocolate or a couple of crackers and you’ll get some relief. Then, go to the source of the stress and look at how you can minimize it before it ramps up next time around.

Fake smile. Seriously. We all now the power of humor and laughter (watching a funny movie or show is another stress-busting strategy) when it comes to easing stress and actually contributing to our physical health and well-being. But, when you are stressing you are probably not feeling all smiley. Who cares? Fake it. Go to the mirror (I’ve even done this by looking in the rear view mirror at a red light – yes, I’m the silly woman next to you). Stretch your lips across your face wide and hold for about 20 seconds. Can’t muster a faux grin then say “cheese” in an exaggerated way and your cheeks will move on their own. In the 80s psychologist Robert Zajonc published began seriously studying the power of a smile and discovered that when the small facial muscles move into the shape of a smile they also trigger specific brain functions that are associated with happiness. So trigger those smile muscles, you’ll feel a bit happier and that positive emotion will help diffuse the stressful feelings.

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Stress for Success?

By on May 13, 2013

To do list ballpointI made the mistake of looking at my To Do list when I got out of bed at 6 a.m. and immediately felt the jolt of stress.

Too much to do + not enough time = freaking out.

The equation for stress. But, then I decided to use that stress in a positive way. Instead of complaining,  I laughed at myself  and the irony that one of the things on that To Do list was to write this article about stress management. I ate some peanut butter on toast and got down to work.

Instead of letting the stress overwhelm me, I used it to motivate me.  And that changed my entire day.

Stress is a part of our daily lives but how we view our own stress response determines in large part how successful we’ll be.

In a study published in Clinical Psychological Science, psychologist Jeremy Jamieson found that participants who were faced with a stressful public speaking challenge did better when they were told in advance that the stress response their body experienced — sweaty palms, increased heart rate — was actually there to help them cope.

Instead of seeing those signs as a negative occurrence, they were taught to view them as part of the body’s natural, healthy response. That shift in perception helped them adapt to the stressful circumstance and thrive.

Some Stress Can Help

Some stress can even be helpful, if we learn to manage it properly.

A short burst of stress can actually strengthen our immune function, according to the Stanford University Center for Stress and Health Management. It can also fire-up our brain function, improve our resilience, and according to some research, it can cause us to be more generous and friendly.

Ongoing chronic stress, though, can make us sick, dissatisfied, depressed and stuck. So, the key is to not eliminate the stress altogether – who can do that anyhow right? – but, it is to use it in a way that actually improves our performance.

Reframing your stress response is one way to do it. Next time you are stressed and feeling the pressure of the moment  acknowledge that everything you are feeling is there to help you thrive in the moment. Simply knowing this will help you move toward greater success rather than being threatened by the stress of it all.

On Wednesday, I’ll also offer some unconventional stress-management tips you can use to move through your own stressful moments and into a place of calm motivation.

 

 

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How to Ease Parenting Stress Every Once-in-Awhile

By on May 8, 2013

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you did’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.”

–Linda Wooten, from Mom’s the Word, by Allen Klein

 

I’m thinking a lot about my role as a mother. Trying to figure out my place in all of it. Sometimes, it seems as though my place is to nag others to get stuff done – put your shoes on, clear your plate, stop blowing spit bubbles, seriously people, spit bubbles – but I’m easing off that a bit, letting natural consequences play out, because I don’t feel good when I nag.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMostly, my place it seems is to hug and hold and be held, to put on Band-Aids, and wipe up spills. To sit quiet and listen, when the worries roll through right at bed time. To hold hands on the way to the bus stop in a way that nobody can see, but feels good just the same.

My role is ever changing and I’m just trying to keep up. Fortunately, or not, my daughter is quick to tell me what to do. And while she believes I’m there with her to guide her, serve her and be available in the middle of the night for bad dream assessments, I know I have a unique opportunity to learn from her too. She is the truth. She says it like it is and reflects my best and worst qualities, and loves me anyhow.

Our relationship isn’t always easy. It certainly isn’t convenient. It is sometimes sticky, and slow. She doesn’t always do it like I would do it –sometimes she does it much better, sometimes not so good – and that’s my lesson too, that we both have our own unique styles and way of being in the world. We both have our own desires to experience this world. Yet, we are moving through this experience together.

So, we can learn together. But, sometimes I just want to do it my way. Quietly, focused. Without mess. Sometimes when things are feeling really hard, and I’m tired and she’s mad and I’m not sure what to do next, I will moan to my girlfriends, drink a margarita and then return to these five bits of advice.

1. Look for the lesson. In life and certainly in relationships, there is always a bigger nugget of knowledge. We get caught up in our anger or fatigue. We are swept up in the routine of caring for instead of caring about and we forget to look for the lesson and it’s there. Once you clue in on it, the fight ends. It’s just over. The lesson in the moment may be that people just need to eat a good meal or get better sleep. Or it might be that your child needs you to be square with her and vulnerable, because she knows something is up. Perhaps the lesson is he does need you to hug and hold him even though he pretends it doesn’t matter. Maybe you need a reminder to take a deep breath, and offer a hug instead of a consequence – even though that may not feel like disciplined parenting. Those lessons reveal more about us than our child. They show us who we are and what we are capable of and they allow us to reconnect with each other.

2. Let it be. Walk away. Give it up. However you want to say it, this one is not my strong suit. I like to over-talk, re-explain, then say it again – just so that I’m understood. If I had my way, everyone would write a two-page report about the incident so that we could rehash it in the morning. Just kidding. Sort of.

Sometimes, most times, the best thing to do is to let it be. Say it once. Put your foot down. Get clear. Then let it go. Not everyone – including the kids – are going to see it your way. Just because people see it and do it differently than you doesn’t make it bad, wrong, ridiculous. Be a team player and once-in-awhile just let things be.

3. A difficult moment does not make for a difficult life. When my daughter was about two she showed little interest in going to the bathroom on the toilet. I stewed about this. I mean she didn’t even want to be in the bathroom. Then my husband casually reminded me that it was highly unlikely that our daughter would be wearing a diaper when she was 16. Somehow, someway she would figure it out and we would move on.

Relationships are never stagnant, because people never are. We are always learning and moving on.

Remember this when the difficult, confounding, irritating moments come – and they will, sometimes in rapid succession. But, they will also pass. We won’t always be stuck in the bad spell. People shift and grow by the moment. Leave room for that to happen. Allow for it. Don’t label or limit. Don’t over dramatize, or as my own mother would say “make a mountain out of a molehill.” Just deal with what comes right now, in this moment, and let the future take care of itself.

And, by the way, before my daughter turned three she decided one day – all on her own — to use the toilet and she never went back to diapers.

4. Let your child see you love.  If my daughter can accept the love coming her way from her parents and grandparents, but also her teachers and her friends and others who come into her path – if she can really notice it and feel it – she’ll live a more joyful, healthy life and, this is the biggie, she’ll be better able to love herself and others.

There is nothing bigger than that. Because the crap is going to come down in this life and despite it all there will always be love. I want her to know it and feel it. No matter. Cultivate that sense with your child by showing him how you love.

Let him notice you talking to the plants and loving on the dog and appreciating the shelter and beauty of your home. Let your children see you respecting their other parent and your friends.

Let them see you hugging and holding and reaching out to the people you love in your life. Let them see you launch yourself full on into your passions and purpose – even when you’ve been burned before. Even when there will be setbacks. Even when it feels scary.

Show your kids how to love themselves and their life by how you live with love and passion in yours. Do this by saying “yes” to new things, by accepting compliments, by connecting through kindness to others. By treating yourself with self-compassion. By speaking kindly to yourself, even when you’ve made a mistake. Love out loud and let your children see how you do it.

Then, hug everyone you can. Seriously, scoop that kid up whenever you can – even amid their protests, especially when they are too big for scooping, and hug and touch and hold. Because when the trouble hits they will have enough self-love to care for themselves through it. They will know that, no matter what others say, they are worthy and valuable. They will know that our lives aren’t defined by the bad stuff, but by the goodness we share. And they will know how to love others too. Though your kid will claim he’d rather have an iPad, there is no greater gift you can give then teaching them how to feel and share love.

5. Turn on the music in your life. When my daughter was very little and uptight or throwing a fit, we’d talk it over then turn on the music. Music is a balm to her and it is to us too. It reminds you of the joy in the world. The beauty. It inspires and uplifts. Often it gets you moving and when your body is moving you are no longer stuck in the hardness and stress of the moment. It shifts everything just a little. But music is also metaphor for the joy in our lives. A reminder to welcome it in, to make time for fun.

Kids can teach us how to do this if we open up and pay attention. Even when the hard stuff happens, there can be pockets of humor and joy and lightness. Go looking for it. Turn on the music if you have to. Even serious circumstances don’t require us to be serious all the time. And when we feel a little lighter we become more creative and that supports growth and problem solving and connection.

The people in our lives can be our greatest teachers and kids have so much wisdom to share. Often it comes out, not through words but through their affection and creativity and imagination and joy. Watch for it. Let some of it rub off on you that way we can all learn from each other.

 

 

For more quotations and insights on motherhood, check out Allen Klein’s great little book, Mom’s the Word: The Wit, Wisdom and Wonder of Motherhood  Mom's the Word Cover

 

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Lessons Learned from My Daughter

By on May 6, 2013


“The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly – indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.”

Arianna Huffington

Quote from the book Mom’s the Word: The Wit, Wisdom and Wonder of Motherhood, by Allen Klein

Parenting with faith

It can be hard to get my daughter to finish her breakfast – or finish anything for that matter.

Between the time she goes to put her socks on and come back out she’s discovered glittery specks on the carpet, a doll that needs dressing and had plenty of thoughts about how to align the couch cushions so she can stand on her head without toppling.

There is, one would say, a certain lack of focus that follows my 6-year-old. I on the other hand, tend to be hyper-focused when I’m on task. Narrow almost. Dogged, certainly.

You can imagine then the confluence of ideas that emerge when my unfocused child is parented by her focused mother. It’s a constant push and pull.

We talked about it the other day. I asked her to come up with a way to hone her focus; to think about how she could take on and complete one task at a time. Of course she was hopping and spinning on one foot while we talked. But, she said she would think it over and come back to me on this. After about five minutes, while braiding her doll’s hair while putting stickers on a paper, she did.

“Mama,” she says. “I’ve been thinking about my focus.”

“Yes. Well, what did you come up with.”

“Mama, my whole job is to wonder. And you know that because you do it too and I just can’t always focus when I wonder and my eyes need to see everything.”

I exhaled and felt love fill me up where the air had been. She is my daughter and she is also my teacher, just like I am hers. And, it’s her whole job to wonder and I know now, that I want her to wonder. To go through life with zest and curiosity and awe. To pay attention and get messy and get into the moments with such zeal and passion that she forgets about everything else.

It’s not always convenient, for sure. But that’s about me. As a mother then, it requires patience and integrity to figure out when it’s important that she be focused and intent and when it doesn’t matter a twit except to make my life easier.

After all, does it really matter when she gets her socks on as long as she does before the school bus comes? She hasn’t missed the bus yet. Nor, has she ventured out without socks. Though she did forget the shoes once.

What know is that just because she does just about everything differently than I do, doesn’t make it wrong or bad. In fact those are the times I should be paying attention because I have the most to learn.

Relationships are like this. Inconvenient, messy, frustrating. And, they are joyful, fun, interesting. The people we are most connected to in our lives are lives might be the most frustrating as well. But, they also have the most to teach us and they love us enough to do it.

To be patient and aware as this insight comes in even when I’m trying to get the dinner on the table and the bills paid, and the article out then is the challenge for me is the challenge now. But I’m a good student – mostly because I’m focused and intent on learning the lesson. Plus, I have some strategies fall back on when I feel like things are unraveling around here. I’ll tell you what they are in Wednesday’s post.

For now, what are the lessons you are learning from the people in your life? We might not always like what we see, but we can always grow from it.

 

 

 

 

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Three Ways to Deal with People Who Drain You

By on May 1, 2013

Waterfall and flow of energyEver met someone who only talks only about herself and always finds a way to bring the story back to her;  never once asking about you? Or the type that is always whining and complaining about the dramas in his life?

After a conversation like this chances are you feel drained, wiped out and empty.

Sure, everyone has bad days and needs to vent to a friend once-in-awhile. But, if you are hanging around with someone who consistently brings you down or you meet a person at a party and it feels like hard work to keep up a conversation, this is the mark of an emotional vampire —  the type that sucks the energy right out of you. Instead of allowing energy to flow between the two of you in exchange, these people take it all for themselves.

Many times the energy drainers don’t even realize they are doing it. They are so stuck in their negativity, narrow mindset or self-concern that they are simply unaware of what they put out in the world. Others are a bit more malicious: they feel so emotionally bankrupt that they go after the energy of others just to feel better about themselves.

But, in order for you to maintain your health and well-being it’s important to do some things to shield yourself against this kind of drama and drain.

How to Shield Yourself From the Energy Drain

1. Notice how you feel. First, tune in to your body and the sensations you are experiencing. If you begin to feel tightness in your chest, fatigue, or anxiety it could be that you are in the company of an energy drainer, according to Dr. Judith Orloff, a medical intuitive, teacher and author. Pay attention to the feelings and if you notice that your body is constrictive or tired, take a deep breath, step into your awareness and reground yourself in your body.

2. Visualize an emotional shield. I like to think of this as the force field used by Captain Kirk to stop combatants in their tracks during various Star Trek episodes. Imagine a giant energetic force field or shield emerging from your center and wrapping around you to protect you from any energy drain. Or think of it as a bright, white light covering your entire body keeping negativity out but allowing positive energy in. Whatever you create in your mind’s eye, let it infuse you with positive power and see if your mood changes.

3. Move away, and reach for something better. We pick energy up from others all the time. If you feel your mood taking a nosedive — though moments before you were feeling fine — try to move away from the people you’re near and see if you feel any better. Then, reach out for something higher. Get close to someone who always elevates your mood. Watch a funny movie, read an inspiring book, turn on some inspiring music, call an good-natured friend and take steps to consciously elevate your energy.

Be conscious, too, of the energy you bring. If your reserves are low you want to make sure that you’re not drawing from others, but doing things that will amp up your good energy and allow it to grow and expand.

 

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Why Some People Leave You Feeling Drained

By on April 29, 2013

Powerful charge. BatteriesEver shared an exciting moment with someone who was hyper-critical and negative about your good news?

Or, met someone who was friendly, sure, but never once asked about you?

Ever talked to someone who went on and on about their own troubles?

Could be you were in the presence of a human energy drain. Dr. Judith Orloff calls them emotional vampires.

You know the type, the people who literally suck the energy – the life force — right out of you through their neediness, negativity, or self-centeredness.

These kind of people can show up in our families, among our friends, and co-workers – even among strangers at a party or in the mall. Sometimes the energy suck is intentional and malicious, a way of ripping off your energy to elevate their own. But often it’s an unconscious matter of survival for people who feel like that don’t have enough going in their own lives to sustain them. Either way you’ll wind up feeling depleted.

It’s a drag, but it’s not at all uncommon.

In the last week alone, I’ve been asked about these kinds of emotional vampires at least a half-dozen times. Even the awesome George Noory, host of Coast to Coast AM brought it up on-air. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have paid much mind to feeling wiped out in certain environments, but now I know it’s because people are drawing from my emotional power source and I’m learning to shield from that.

How Emotions are Spread

There is some science behind this. Emotional contagion is the very real affect that occurs when we pass our emotions around like a virus. If you are down and negative and come into contact with someone else, that energy is likely to influence their mood. Happiness and kindness has been shown to have a ripple effect too, impacting people positively beyond those that experienced the initial act.

In a new study released last week in the Clinical Psychological Science, researchers Gerald Haeffel and Jennifer Hames of the University of Notre Dame, found that people people who respond negatively to stressful life events, interpreting the events as a result of personal weakness and factors beyond their control, are more vulnerable to depression and likely to pass that “cognitive vulnerability” on to others.

College students in the study who lived with a roommate who experienced this kind of mental strain developed their own vulnerability and were more prone to depression. Those students who lived with people who tended to respond to stressful life events in a more positive way, were themselves more likely to respond more positively.

Because there is a profound exchange of energy when people meet, our energetic fields play off each other. When that energy flows equally between friends it leaves you feeling creative, loved, confident, encouraged. But, when one person draws from another it’s downright fatiguing. Our moods can reflect those energetic shifts often before we realize what is happening.

That’s why it’s important that we become aware of what is coming into our lives and protect against this kind of energy drain. On Wednesday, I’ll offer some tips you can use to do that.

But today, become aware of the energy you bring. Are you spreading vitality and light and positivity and joy – or something else? When you tap into your highest qualities of love and compassion, you also tap into your highest energy source and that bring good flowing energy to all of us.

 

 

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How to Attract Synchronicity

By on April 24, 2013

Intention and ripples in a pondSynchronicities – those meaningful connections that occur when our inner thoughts collide with our outer circumstances  – is a powerful way to move into flow in your life.

They can provide essential information – just the “right” book or person, for example, may suddenly come into your life to keep you headed toward your goal – and often they affirm when we are on track.

For me synchronicities are just cool, little reminders that I don’t need to figure out how the Universe works to have it working for me. They can be encouraging and fascinating moments of insight. Though, all this sounds a little woo-woo, you don’t have to be a psychic to have them show up in your life.

Synchronicities occur frequently, for all of us, but we often fail to notice or we cast them off as meaningless coincidences.

But, if you’re willing to open up to the possibility of synchronicity you can experience ripples of meaning throughout your life.

Here’s how to do it.

Become aware. Notice the happenings in your life. Pay attention, be mindful, and pick up on the textures and subtleties of each life experience. Until we slow down and appreciate the moments, we’ll miss the synchronicities within them — and just about everything else. When you are open and accepting to whatever appears, you are more likely to experience synchronistic moments that can infuse your experience with meaning.

Believe in the possibility. There is much we don’t  yet know about the Universe we live in. When we accept that and open up to this notion that anything is possible, our lives magically expand. To do this practice a flexible mindset where you move between the rigid, more analytical thought patterns to more a more abstract way of thinking.

Begin to feel. Synchronicities are often associated with times of high emotion, so pay attention to what it is you are feeling. Often we want to numb ourselves to the so-called negative emotions, but if we can experience them – just sit with them and get curious about where they are coming from — then we create movement and expansion and that is a breeding ground for synchronicity.

 

 

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Three Ways To Strengthen Your Intuition

By on April 22, 2013

A few days ago I had the opportunity to talk with George Noory on Coast to Coast AM. What a fantastic experience. George is gracious and smart and the listeners bowled me over with their wisdom, curiosity and courage.

This week, we’ll continue the conversation that we started there, here, with posts on intuition and synchronicity.

We all have access to this kind of insight — to the meaningful coincidences and intuitive hits that can provide us all  information that will lead us into the next moment of our lives.

Yet sometimes it can be hard to believe. Trusting your inner guidance system can be a bit tricky for those of us — like me — who tend to reason things through and operate from our more analatyical minds. There is so much we miss if we stay locked in a rigid mindset. But, if we allow the brain to be a tool that we use to gain and process information, and  if we also operate from our heart and pay attention to those inner hunches, feelings and sensations we can gain valuable insights and answers. In those moments when we are aligned with our highest self through intuition and synchronicity, we are also reminded of the magic that still operates in this Universe and within it, infinite possibility for all of us. So, this week pay attention to those synchronicities and begin noticing how your intuition shows up for you.

You can strengthen it with practice. Here are a few intuition-honing tips that I suggest.

1. Ask. Access your intuitive insights by posing a question like: “What should I do next?” “Is this the right choice?” or others. Then, be open to any physical, emotional, environmental cues that you pick up. Intuition may appear through words, images, physical sensations – such as gut feelings – or even thoughts and ideas. Pay attention to what you experience after you ask.

2. Calm down, get quiet. It’s hard to get any clear message when your mind is buzzing and cluttered with thoughts, noise, or stresses. Turn off the iPod and the television. Go to a quiet place. Pause. Take a deep breath. Get quiet or try a short meditation and make space for insight. This way, when your gut feelings arrive you’ll be more aware of them.

3. Test it out and practice. The more you use your intuition, the stronger it gets. Next time you ask a question, or turn to it for insight, look for validation and pay attention to how it plays out. It’s best to try this in low risk situations as you develop your skills. Try to intuitively “guess” who’s calling the next time it rings. Or try to predict who might win the football game. Pay attention to the results you get and keep practicing.

 

 

 

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The Power of Synchronicity

By on April 18, 2013

Energy you bring -- ball of lightFour years ago, I stood at the kitchen sink complaining about my job. The assignments I’d taken weren’t all that interesting to me. They were then, just a way to pay the bills. I was grateful for that sure,  but I was tired too of working so hard to complete the uninspiring work done during the  few hours of childcare I had each week. I was burned out.

“I wish I just had time to write my book,” I said to my husband, while rinsing dishes.

Within 24 hours I did have the time. Two editors left their posts, taking my assignments with them. Another cancelled the contract, and I dropped the last one when the editorial focus changed. Within 24 hours the work I had was gone.

I freaked out at first. After nearly 20 years in the business I’d never lost an assignment and now I had lost four. There would be no money coming from me that month. But, after the panic, I saw both mystery and meaning behind the shift and I got busy. The work I did then led to two books, Imperfect Spirituality and How to Reach Enlightenment.

It also created one of the most powerful experiences of synchronicity I’ve ever encountered.

What is Synchronicity

Synchronicity, first studied by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, is defined as meaningful coincidence.

It’s a merging of your inner thoughts or feelings with an outer expression or happening. Without any apparent cause these two seemingly unrelated events your thoughts and the external event collide creating a synchronicity. You know what I’m talking about, it happens to all of us.

You think of a friend and moments later she calls you.

You ponder where the money will come from to make the car payment and you receive and unexpected check in the mail.

You investigate a new job opportunity, and around the same time your boss offers you a dream promotion.

No matter when or how it happens, synchronicity almost always prompts emotion (often it also comes out of a time of great emotion) and has great meaning to the person who experiences it. It makes life feel a little magical, and certainly more possible.

When you pay attention to the synchronicities that show up in your life, they can also serve as a guidance system that provides insight and direction about what to do next.

For example, when I lost all those magazine assignments right after saying I wanted to write a book, I was incredulous (awe is a powerful emotion). The experience was powerful and meaningful to me and I took it as a sign to get started.

The Power of Synchronicity

What are some of the synchronicities that have showed up in your life? What have you done with them?

Synchronicities are always powerful and fun reminders that we are not separate from the energy of the Universe at all, that our inner and outer lives are threaded together in ways we don’t fully know and understand. And, that’s o.k. we don’t have to know how it all works, we can just trust that it does.

We can go with the flow that synchronicity creates and trust that more will show up — if only you notice.

Next week, I’ll provide some tips that will help you lay the foundation for synchronicities to occur in your own life. Today, start by noticing any meaningful coincidences that come your way or reflect on a few from the past that have set you off on a different course.

 

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